It was suggested to me that I start a blog. I mean, I had written one whole book, so does that make me a writer now? I can’t say I feel like a writer. What does a writer feel like anyway?
I gave myself a pep talk and reminded myself that I am who I am and if I want to write, then dammit, I can write. However that didn’t eliminate the feeling that maybe I didn’t deserve to even begin to think I may be a writer. There are people who go to college and put in a lot of work to earn degrees so as to become writers of one form or another. I hadn’t done that. So, do I therefore not dare refer to myself as a writer?
I forged on with the idea. I knew there would be criticism, but I set that aside as I sat at my computer and realized I didn’t know the first thing about actually creating an online blog. Where do I go? What do I click? Which template should I use? How do I actually write my first blog? Why can’t I save this? What about including a picture? Why doesn’t it look right? What will people think? Will anyone even bother to read a blog from someone who is not actually a writer, except for one book? On and on and on…
It must be true. I don’t deserve to call myself a writer, a blogger. Who do I think I am? I have seen other people’s blogs, and I’m not nearly that good. Their writing styles are solid and interesting, charming and poignant. Their pieces are lengthy and compelling. My pieces are short, so far. Yes, I wrote a book, but that wasn’t much more than a report of my experiences before, during, and after the sudden passing away of my son from a car accident. Reporting on that doesn’t make me a writer. Does it?
I guess I worry too much about what people will think. Oh, the judgment we must endure here in this human life. Everyone feels they have the right to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, how you shouldn’t waste your time – or the reader’s time - if you don’t have the talent.
Hmmm… talent. Who decides whether or not you have it? Should I NOT do this because other people don’t think I have talent? Does my opinion matter? What if I just want to express my thoughts and feelings with words? Do I have that right?
Some will say I can express whatever I want, just don’t publish it.
Soooo…at what point does a person who takes dance lessons become a dancer? When is it okay for him or her to dance with elation and abandon in front of an audience? When is that earned? At what point is a young musician who performs with passion and joy at a recital, or concert, merit the title of musician?
I guess I’m trying to say - is it okay to suck at something and still put it out there for others to see, or hear? Or judge? Or condemn?
Whew! All this deliberation is making my head spin. Where was I?
Ah, yes, to write or not to write.
I believe I will do what I did as a kid no matter how fearful I was of the water. I would hold my nose and take a huge leap off the high dive, surrendering and freefalling, screaming and flailing, and just laugh and love every minute of it.
Hmmm…does that make me a swimmer?
Ready or not, here it is.
